I spent – ch12

I spent the night trying to find the Sandman.

I spent the night wrestling with my sheets and pillows.

The next day I spent trying to occupy my mind with something other than her.

I spent my time pushing thoughts and scenes from my mind of events that had not happened.

I tried moment by moment to squelch the flight action my brain and hormones was sending because I had nowhere else to go. Fortunately I had eight hours of work to distract my mind. I had interaction with a few people who diverted my attention to other subjects. But those conversations and the work were not enough or successful in calming my fearful heart.

I was afraid to hope because I know life operates on what I have termed “the hopeless principle”. In my life up to this point, things I was desperately hopeful of – had not occurred.

The date with Suzie Robinson for the junior homecoming dance – nope.

The date with Jill Anderson for the prom – nope.

Making the baseball team in either my freshman or sophomore year in high school – nope.

The date with Mindy Story for my senior prom – nope.

Having Jessica, Jean, Cathy, Carla, Annette, Teresa, and Marcia to go on a date with me anytime during my high school years– nope.

My parents buying me a car on my sixteenth, seventeenth, or eighteenth birthday – nope.

Each of these and more were “things” I had hoped and hoped to happen for me. All with the same depressing result – nope.

It was with this track record I squelched every bit of hope that attempted to bubble up inside of me. After work I had to pick up a few items from the store but I dared not enter Tessa’s store so I drove out-of-the-way to buy what I needed on the other side of town.

I realized as I walked out of the store heading to my car that the sky was blue and the sun was shining and the puffy white clouds that dotted the sky were trying to do their best for me and everyone to enjoy a good day. I looked around for the gray skies because surely it was the calm before a storm. I stood there looking in each direction when I noticed a couple people looked at me and then looked up in the sky to see what I was looking at. I ducked my head and speedily got into my car.

It was evening; I was tired because of my struggle last night and then the spirit zapping battle of the day. I turned on the television, stretched out on the couch, watched the news and quickly located the Sandman.

Published by

icubud

Glory to God in the highest, THEN - peace on earth and goodwill to men (Luke 2:14). So peace on earth and goodwill to the human race can not occur until their is first - Glory to God in the highest. This will never be accomplished nor desired by the UN or the USA governments. Hence the Second Advent. Moment by moment I want to grow correctly in the grace, knowledge, wisdom and understanding of ALMIGHTY GOD. Spiritually I consider myself a saved Bible believer but so as to hopefully avoid some of the stigma that is heavily steeped on anyone who does not designate a denomination, I must consider myself an independent saved Bible believing Baptist. But Baptist denominations are highly polluted with leaven and such. I am a Christian in the true definition of the word which is given in Acts 11:26. Roman Catholicism and Orthodox Catholicism are NOT Christian. R.C. has been a great and successful tool in 1) making people not want to be a Christian and 2) making the majority of its believers/followers/members die and go to hell. I have great concern for everyone's present, temporal state of things and the future, eternal state of things. Politically I consider myself an independent, that unfortunately due to the limited choices, usually votes Republican. I am praying for legitimate third and fourth parties to gain traction in our society so that they will provide some better candidates. I am hoping for a bloodless American Spring. I believe one of the greatest detriments to our society here in the USA is the MSM (mainstream media), the judicial system and Congress. MAGA!! WWG1WGA #45 #17 Our country needs to make term limits for those who hold a seat in Congress. The individual can not serve more than 8 years in their lifetime in any capacity of Congress. And yes I voted for Trump both times and will do so again. Some people I admire: The Lord Jesus Christ (wholly God and wholly man), all those who gave their lives as recorded in the Foxe's Book of Martyrs and those since then that have been executed because they would not deny their saving faith in the Lord Jesus Christ, William Tyndale, John Wycliffe, Matthew Rogers, Gipsy Smith, DL Moody, Clarence Larkin, Ronald Reagan, John Knox, Martin Luther, Apostle Paul, the 12 disciples/apostles listed in Acts 1, Samuel the prophet, William Evans, Ph.D., D.D., Litt. D, Edward F. Hills A.B. - Yale, Th.M. - Columbia, Th.D. - Harvard; JTC, Archbishop James Ussher, John Frith, Erasmus, Alexander Hislop, Avro Manhattan, Dean Burgon, 161 1 KJV Bible Translators, Susanna Wesley, Susannah Thompson Spurgeon, PSR & Gail Riplinger. Some "things" that I like: Conscientiousness, well-marked books, kindness, romance, appreciation, morals, empathy, big hugs, nuzzling, eyes, long hair, gray/silver hair, beauty, modesty, when a women is a "lady", good coffee, windy days or nights, the sound of rain, cold weather, spring, autumn (except all the leaves to rake), roaring fire in the fireplace or pit, a good meal, gestures from a loving or friendly heart, the oceans/large lakes, music, coffee houses/cafes, books!, grand libraries, well used bookshelves, peace, white fluffy clouds in a blue sky, birds nesting, bunnies!, chipmunks!, wildlife when its not predatory, learning, smell of bread or pizza baking, the smell of coffee, the Basque, collection of information/data/inputs of various kinds, snow, gratitude, connecting the dots in life, old people still in love and are best friends, a good mystery, good film/tv/etc., internet, clocks and watches, trains/railroad, symbols, history of many types, good conversation/discussion, my music collection, studying the Bible, a well-marked Bible, crunchy snacks, handwritten correspondence & journals/notes, preparing meals for people who will appreciate it, beautiful gardens, blueprints, maps, REAL friends, boat rides, good Bible preaching/teaching, the mountains, the wilderness, hiking, teamwork, correspondence, wisdom, simplicity in the right places & quiet. Some "things" I loathe: The Alexandrian Cult and its supporters, FAKES, bullying, making fun of people, grief, taking advantage of people, neglect, disregard of others, raunchiness, hate, bossy people, brutality, war, fighting, cursing, degradation of society, evil, wickedness, narcissism, liars, abuse of any kind, loss of innocence, smell of burnt popcorn, nosy people, death, fake friends, disingenuous, being forgotten, not being valued, loss, broken heart, deceit, disrespect, manipulators, arrogance, loud people, troublemakers, self-entitlement, non-stop talkers who are completely self-absorbed and make everything in someway related to themselves,

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