The months went by and we grew closer. Dinner at each of our parents’ places provided anxiety, stress, laughter, embarrassment, sharing, relief, affection, and well-being. It was a cycle we each had to go through and we did. Of course each of our dads had to be “hams” as well as – surprisingly – warm. I think I can say for the both of us that the embarrassments were small and enjoyable. I learned of Tess’ long relationship with her stuffed animals, the building blocks of her independence and why she paints each toenail a separate color/pattern. (Isn’t she adorable?!) She learned of my nerd/geeky history in school, my obsession with X-Files, and why I all my clothes are white, black or gray.
Tess and I continued to meet up for coffee when she got off from work and never ran out of things to talk about. She, for some reason I can’t fathom, continued to love me and allowed me to love her. I have to admit things were really good and many a night I would go to bed with the nagging question “why?” See I am the type of person who believes that experiences in life are not random and that they do not happen without a purpose or reason. Looking at Tess as a wonderful woman who was intelligent, articulate, and beautiful I can’t reason why she would want to love me. It is not like she had been beaten unconscious subconsciously by cupid or some faerie to fall for me. Right? Surely she was not acting of her own will – while being fully aware and sound. Hence my stumbling, bumbling question that was nagging me now daily – “why?”
Being an acquaintance to many but a friend to no one (not by choice by the way) I had no one to talk this through with. Well let me rephrase that, no one that was not family to talk this through with. A few people at work (which was still miserable) I have comradery with but could I actually wisely choose one of them to talk to and expect to receive wise advice?