The words I wanted to say to Tess rushed around in my head, getting more and more jumbled by the minute. I became convinced as I got closer to the store that the best thing I could do was hug her and that in that embrace all of my feelings and intentions and expressions would magically enter her body, soul and spirit. My own words would fail me if I had to articulate them, but the embrace – the power of touch would not fail me – or her. When I got to the store I looked at the front desk and then at the registers but did not see her. I heard her voice, actually her laughter and I am certain a wide smile raced across my face as the warmth of her presence was confirmed. I headed toward her laugh and saw her in the aisle in the embrace of a man probably ten years older than either one of us. She looked so happy and I was stopped fast in my tracks by the weight of my breaking heart crashing quickly into my legs. He twirled her and she cooed. Neither one saw me and I did the only thing I knew to do instinctively – I ran quietly the other way.
I made it to my car, fumbled with my keys and finally got the engine to start up and in flight mode still pushing my consciousness, I fled the parking lot heading – somewhere.
By the time I had my wits actually return to me I was about thirty minutes north of my town. I had crossed several intersections of railroad tracks and was in the area of the city where nothing but warehouses and manufacturing towered on each corner of the blocks. I slowed down and began digesting what had transpired. I replayed it several times in mind to make sure what I saw and heard was actually real. Eventually my numbness must have traveled to my legs because unbeknownst to me, I was sitting still in the lane of the street. I could feel the power of flight regathering in me and then a sudden jerk to reality made me aware of the fact I wasn’t moving any longer. I looked around and then looked in the rear view mirror and saw my eyes.The eyes were so sad and timid. I looked away quickly just like one will do when you unknowingly catch the stare of someone else. I didn’t want to be the person I just saw in the mirror. I did an illegal u-turn in the street and headed back to town. I didn’t know where I wanted, actually needed, to go but I knew it was for certain in my town. I looked down at my cellphone and back at the road. Folks? Bad move. They would see through me at the moment. I figured I should go home but I didn’t want to do that. My mind kicked on auto-pilot and I drove slowly back to town.
The Present was no longer a place or time to embrace or enjoy. The Principle had immediately dashed my heart and soul. So I drove.